One and Only
by hanbefanficin
Summary: Sequel to "Keeping Your Head Up". Four years later, Arizona Robbins returns to Seattle to complete her internship and Amelia Shepherd feels her heart racing when it shouldn't...
1. Part 1

**Part One**

_Amelia_  
"I hate new intern day," I grumble to Owen as we make our way to the hospital entrance together. I dread this day every year. Maybe it's because I'm not good at teaching. I just know how to _do_ what I do. I find it frustrating having to go in baby steps with these barely-grown adults. My brain races at one hundred miles an hour in the OR, so having to slow it down seems like a waste of time to me.

"They're not so bad," Owen replies, brightly. "They're innovative, they're positive-"

"They're liabilities," I interrupt, as we step through the glass doors.

"You were a resident once," he reminds me, lightly.

"Right," I acknowledge. "But, I had some life experience and common sense coming into the game."

"This is for you," Meredith says, quickly shoving a white envelope into my hand as she rushes past us. It has 'Amelia and Owen' written on the front in gold cursive writing.

"'Good morning' to you, too!" I call after her, but continue down the walkway to the elevator.

"What is it?" Owen asks as the door dings. I shrug back and begin to open the envelope. I read the words in my head:

_Together, with their families, Andrew and Meredith would like to invite you to celebrate their marriage on April 2nd._

"Hey, wanna go to this thing?" I joke, handing the invitation to my husband. Urgh, that word still doesn't fit quite right._ Husband_. He reads the invite and smirks at me.

"I guess we should, you know, seeing as you're a bridesmaid and everything," he quips.

"Hmm," I reply, unenthused. Then, there's an awkward silence as we travel up to our floor. Is it supposed to feel this weird three months into a marriage? I push my doubt back down and smile at him as I remind myself that he's a nice, genuine guy who loves me. He smiles back at me and wraps an arm around me, kissing my forehead before the door opens to the area where we're supposed to meet the interns.

Karev, Torres and Maggie are already gathered, waiting for the new doctors to arrive. We join them and I scan the room looking for any sign of Meredith. Bailey's going to kill her if she's late. All heads of departments should be here by now.

"Here's your list," Karev says, nonchalantly, handing us a piece of paper each. I scan the last names of the hindrances I've been lumbered with: Edwards, Wilson and Adamson. I sigh out and try to mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. We're quickly joined by Meredith who grabs her list from Alex's hand and struggles to get her breath back.

"Has she been up yet?" She asks, panting. She must have run up the stairs.

"You think you'd still be alive if she had?" Pierce replies, playfully.

As if on cue, Bailey enters with a cluster of young, newly-made surgeons. She stops just in front of us and starts her spiel.

"Today, you'll be separated into small groups with our department heads," she explains, speedily. "Dr Grey is head of general surgery," she says, motioning to Meredith. She continues along the line. "Dr Karev is in charge of paediatrics, Dr Pierce is our cardio lead, Dr Torres leads ortho, Dr Hunt runs trauma, and Dr Shepherd is our head of neuro. Are we keeping up, people?" She asks, bluntly. The newbies nod their heads, most of them with a terrified expression. The Nazi is certainly on the war path today. "You'll be with each doctor for two weeks at a time," she continues. "In the last three months of your internship, you'll have the opportunity to choose what department you'd like more experience in, understood?" She's met with more nods of the head. "Listen carefully for your name," she shouts, before handing over to Karev.

"Percy, Smith and Fields," he calls out, leading the three newbies away to the paediatric ward, immediately.

"Walsh, Ross and Dixon," Owen's deep voice carries easily across the room, and he whisks the interns in the same direction as Karev. By this point, I'm not even looking at the group of interns any more. I'm checking my tablet for simple cases, seeing if there are any menial tasks I can hand out to the new doctors.

"Harris, Warren and Fields," Meredith shouts, already walking towards her destination. They scurry after her like field mice.

"Murphy, Schmitt and Parker," Maggie calls, gathering hers at a nearby supply closet.

Just Torres and I left. I nod to Torres, indicating for her to go first, never taking my eyes of the tablet. She yells out her names: "Boswell, Thompson and Robbins."

Wait... what? Robbins? My eyes widen and my heart leaps into my mouth. Surely, it's not...

I check the names underneath Callie's and I see it: Dr A Robbins. My head shoots up and I look at the woman who I'd said goodbye to four years ago.

My jaw drops a little and my mouth goes dry. She's still as beautiful as ever. Her hair's shorter now, scraped into two french braids, each one resting on her shoulders. She glances at me and gives me a subtle smile, giving me a glimpse of those dimples that still make my pulse race, before quickly tuning in to Callie. Yep, Arizona Robbins is still the cutest human alive.

"Shepherd?" Bailey's voice brings me back to reality. I look at her and she raises her eyebrows at me.

"Uh... so, you guys are with me... Wilson, Edwards and Adamson, right?" I ask. They nod their heads in confirmation, looking a little confused. "Great, so... come this way," I say, still completely distracted.

I stare at Arizona on the way past and it takes every professional bone in my body to not wrap her up in my arms right here, right now. I mouth to her: 'Catch up later?' and she nods her head as we share a smile.

...

The next time I see my old friend, she's organising the equipment in the supply closet. She looks bored out of her mind. Knowing Arizona, she'll have had this room memorised within minutes. She has this insane photographic memory. I stand across from her and start to gather the stuff I need but she doesn't notice me.

"Psst," I whisper, playfully, trying to get her attention. She turns her head and smiles widely when she realises it's me.

"Hey," she laughs softly, rushing towards me and throwing her arms around my neck. As I pull her body close to mine, every part of me feels lighter, like I could float. The familiar scent of vanilla and cocoa butter hits me and I close my eyes, revelling in this close contact.

"God, I missed you," I breathe out.

"I missed you, too," she murmurs into my shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, reluctantly pulling out of the embrace.

"My internship... Duh!" She says, returning to her mundane task.

"Wise ass!" I smirk at her. "Where are you staying?"

"I'm renting a place with Wilson and Edwards," she replies. "Above Joe's bar."

"Sounds ideal!" I say, remembering the many nights we spent there. "You look bored," I comment, nodding to the supplies she's organising.

"Oh, I'm not," she insists. "Dr Torres just wants us to get to grips with where everything's stored."

"When's your lunch break?" I ask, quickly, remembering I have my own interns to attend to.

"About one o' clock," she says with a smile.

"Let's have lunch together," I say, quickly. "We can talk properly then," I explain. "See you later," I say, kissing her on the cheek and exiting the closet.

...

_Arizona_  
"You got married?" I ask, surprised by Amelia's casual mention of it. She's sat across the table from me in the cafeteria, her hair hanging over face as she tucks into her lunch. She's avoiding eye contact with me.

"Yeah... three months ago," she says, non-chalantly.

"Y-you didn't say anything..." I say, quietly, a little saddened that I didn't know about something so significant in her life.

After I left, we didn't get much chance to talk casually, but we'd always text when something big was going on. I can't think why she wouldn't have told me. Maybe we're not as close as I thought.

_Amelia_  
The puppy dog eyes are out in full force. She's hurt I didn't tell her. But, how could I? How could I tell her I was marrying someone without also mentioning that I wished it was _her_? I couldn't tell her that I was still in love with her, not when she was living out her dream on the other side of the country. Not then, and not now. I can't.

Owen is a good guy. He's the best guy. He's kind and caring and intelligent... Not to mention ruggedly handsome. And, he loves me. He really loves me. And, I love him. I do. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there was always something missing... Or _someone_ missing.

I shrug my shoulders at Arizona like it's no big deal.

"I married Owen... It was a small ceremony, we danced, we had cake, blah blah..." I brush off. "Come on... Tell me about Hopkins!" I say, changing the subject, rapidly. She gives me a look that tells me this conversation isn't over, but her lips curve into smile.

"It was... _incredible_," she says, with the most wonderous look in her eye. "I saw stuff that I didn't think was possible in medicine..."

"Everything you thought it'd be?" I ask, hopefully.

"Oh, yeah!" She says with a wide smile.

"First in your class?" I ask, though I'm fairly certain I already know the answer. She nods her head, bashfully. She's never been able to brag about her accomplishments. "I knew it," I say, smugly. "And, they didn't offer you a job?" I ask, confused.

"They did, but... I turned it down," she explains.

"What? Why?" I feel my brow furrow, trying to figure out why she's back here. "Their residency program turns out some pretty decent doctors, you know?" I reply, playfully, referring to my own experience at Hopkins.

"So I've heard," she smirks at me. "It was great, it really was..." she says, contentedly. "The insight those doctors had to offer, the technology, the innovation... All of it, it was amazing..."

"So, what brought you back?" Curiosity has finally gotten the better of me.

"I kept thinking about this place," she admits. "I kept thinking about the way the doctors here cared for me when I was... hurt." My stomach flips as she mentions that awful time in her life. "Don't get me wrong, the bedside manner at Hopkins is top notch," she says, defending the university. "But... I don't know... there's something special about the way the doctors here interact with their patients... The way they go the extra mile... I want to learn how to do that whilst still giving the patients the best possible outcomes. I want to be creative and effective, but still have that special connection with patients." My heart begins to race. She's speaking with such passion that I'm reminded why I fell in love with her in the first place. God, stop it, Amelia. You're married. _Married_. "I want to be the kind of surgeon you are," she says, quietly. "Don't tell anyone I said that!" She quickly realises her mistake, knowing that I'm really going to milk that comment.

"Are you saying I'm your idol?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, God..." She rolls her eyes at me and it only spurs me on.

"I mean I knew you had me on some kind of pedestal," I continue, playfully. "But, I didn't realise you see me as some sort of surgical goddess..."

"I should have left that last bit out..." She mutters.

"Hey, don't feel intimidated by the miracle worker," I carry on, holding my hands up. "I'm just a normal human."

"Okay, I'm leaving now," she says, through a short laugh, standing with her tray.

"Are you starstruck? Want me to sign your bra before you go?" Okay, that came out a little flirtier than intended! She breezes over it, throwing a few leftover peas at me with her fork. "Hey!"


	2. Part 2

**Part Two**

_Amelia_  
"So... we've had two weeks with the new interns," Bailey begins as we sit around the large table in the boardroom. "Who have we got our eyes on for the appendectomy?" She looks at Karev, indicating that we start with him and work our way around the table.

"No one from my group," Karev shrugs. "They're fine, they're just not ready for solo surgery."

"Same for me," Owen sighs out, leaning back into his chair.

"Warren seemed the most promising out of mine," Meredith comments. "Most of the time, he could keep up with what I was doing..."

"Well, Schmitt is clumsy as hell," Maggie laughs. "He's going to have to gain a little more control before he's let anywhere near a scalpel. But, Murphy seems to have a lot of knowledge."

My turn. I don't really know what to say. None of them have particularly stood out, but none of them have been hindrances either. I suppose as far as interns go, they're okay...

"Shepherd?" Bailey prompts me to talk.

"As much as I was dreading it... all three of mine were actually pretty competent," I say, with a smile. "Not quite ready for solo surgery, though."

"Well, I think I have the winner..." Torres says, confidently. "Arizona Robbins is definitely one to watch," she beams. The butterflies in my stomach go crazy at the mention of her name. I look at Torres, knowing she'll have nothing but kind words for the talented woman she's talking about, but still feel nervous for some reason. "She's the best intern we've had in years. She's smart and quick and has already assisted me with a distal clavical resection." She's already assisting? That's my girl!

"How did she do?" Bailey asks, her eyebrows already at her hairline.

"She was steady... precise," Callie recalls. "_Great_ with her hands..." she winks at Karev, who smirks at what she's implying. My chest tightens and I feel my jaw clench. She can't talk about her like that! Who the hell does she think she is? No... Wait... Don't cause a scene, Amelia...

"Dr Torres, this is a hospital. Let's keep it professional," Bailey says, sternly. "You think she's ready to go solo?"

"Without a doubt," she replies, boldly.

"And, it's not just because you want to sleep with her?" Wrong time for me to take a sip of my coffee... As the liquid hits the back of my throat, I cough it back up.

"You okay?" Maggie asks, discretely.

"Yeah," I reply, briefly, tuning back into the conversation happening across the table.

"She's actually very talented," Torres says, ignoring the question. "She's definitely ready."

"Who is she with for the next two weeks?" The chief asks, quickly.

"Me," Meredith says, immediately. I exchange a look with my sister-in-law.

"Shepherd, is there something I should know?" Bailey asks, catching me by surprise.

"Huh?" is all I manage to get out. Maybe I haven't been as subtle as I thought...

"You've been acting sketchy this whole meeting," she states.

"Oh, uh... it's nothing," I stammer. She raises an eyebrow at me and I'm forced to give an explanation. "Arizona, uh... _Dr Robbins_ is an old friend of mine, that's all. It'll just... take a while for me to get used to hearing stuff about her at these meetings." I shoot Callie a pointed look and she grimaces at me.

"Torres, Shepherd," she addresses us both, making our heads turn in her direction. "Is Dr Robbins working in this hospital going to be a problem?"

"No!" We say loudly and in unison.

"Good, because if it was, you'd just have to get over it," she says, sharply. "You are not teenagers. You are the heads of neuro and ortho. You need to be the ones to pave the way for these interns. No crap, no drama. Understand?"

...

_Arizona_  
I'm walking out of the supply closet with an arm full of supplies for Meredith's next surgery when a familiar voice alarms me.

"Dr Robbins," I spin around to face our small, but fierce, chief of surgery, Miranda Bailey. I manage to hold on to the supplies.

"Chief! Um... what can I do for you?" I ask with a nervous smile.

"You're making quite the impression on my attendings, Robbins," she comments.

"I am?" I say, alarmed.

Oh, God. Is that good? Is that bad? Is it just a statement? What kind of impression? Do they like me? Do they hate me? Have I offended someone?

"Don't look so petrified, Robbins," Dr Bailey commands. "You've got the appendectomy," she says. I've got the what? My first solo surgery... "The patient's in tomorrow. I'm relieving you from Dr Grey's service for the rest of the day," she says, taking the equipment from me and putting it to one side. "Take those papers," she says, nodding to the folder on the reception desk. "Look up his history, and get prepared," she orders. "I don't care if you've seen the procedure a hundred times before, you study it, thoroughly, again. Got it?"

"Yes, chief," I say, respectfully.

"Dr Grey's going to be in the room with you," she says as I pick up the folder. "You have any questions, you direct them to her."

"Thank you," I say, still a little dazed.

"Well, don't just stand there, get started!" She says, before she scoops up the equipment I'd gathered to take to Meredith.

...

_Amelia_  
She got it. She got the appendectomy. I couldn't be more proud of her. She's already head and shoulders above the other interns. I peek in through the door of the intern break room, and see her staring intensely at a patient file. She nibbles on her bottom lip as she concentrates. It's incredibly cute.

"Congratulations," I say as I walk into the room.

"Thanks," she says with a deliberate, dimpled smile.

"You feeling okay?" I ask, sitting opposite her.

"I'm a little nervous..." She admits.

"You're gonna be great," I say, taking her hand. She looks me dead in the eye and I feel it; the electricity... it's still there. But, it shouldn't be. I hold her gaze for a moment before clearing my throat and standing from the table. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Amelia?" Her small voice stops me before I exit the room.

"Yeah?" I turn around to look at her again.

"Will you be there?" She asks, looking up at me with puppy dog eyes. "Tomorrow, I mean... In the gallery."

"Yeah, of course I will," I say, unable to say 'no' to that face.

...

_Arizona_  
Okay, just breathe, Arizona. Breathe. Don't think about the people watching, focus on the life in front of you. Andrew Bennett. Forty-nine years old. Mostly healthy, but allergic to penicillin. Abdominal pain, nausea and high temperature. Diagnosis: nonruptured, acute appendicitis. Treatment: appendectomy.

Be calm. You know how to do this. Meredith nods at me to start. One more deep breath...

"Scalpel."

...

_Amelia_  
She's fifty minutes in and doing an amazing job. She's delicate with her incisions, careful with vessels and knows exactly which tools are most effective. She's a little slow, but it's obviously the first time nerves. She wants to be one hundred per cent accurate. So far, I couldn't fault her even if I wanted to.

Meredith keeps a watchful eye over her as she begins to sew the skin incision back together. Slow and steady, but completely confident. Nearly there, Arizona.

After the last stitch is secured, she looks to Meredith, the confidence in her eyes wavering a little as she looks to the experienced doctor for reassurance. Meredith smiles behind her scrub mask and talks to her. I'm not sure what she's saying, but it visibly relieves the pressure Arizona's feeling.

Arizona's scrub mask inflates a little as she releases the breath she'd been holding on to, and her body relaxes. She places the needle, thread and forceps back on the tray and looks up to the gallery. She immediately spots me beaming down at her. Her ocean deep eyes crease as she smiles behind that mask. And, for a moment, my heart stops.


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

_Arizona_

"Erm… Dr Hunt?" I approach Amelia's husband, uneasily. I know very little about him… Nothing actually. Other than he's a doctor, obviously, and that his first name is Owen. It feels weird that I know Amelia so well and him so little… But, she doesn't talk about him. Ever. It's like she's not even married to the guy.

"Dr Robbins," he says, looking up from the paperwork he's filling in with a kind glance. "What can I do to help you?"

"I'm on your service today," I explain.

"Ah, of course!" He says, remembering the rota. He then checks his watch and frowns. "You're early," he says with a crooked smile.

"Uh, yeah," I say, sheepishly, knowing that I'm exactly thirty-eight minutes early. "Sorry, I like to be prepared."

"Don't apologise," he says, gruffly. "An extra pair of hands is always appreciated in the ER," he says, handing the clipboard over to one of the receptionists. "Besides, I hear you're the most useful intern out of everybody. You did a great job on that appendectomy last month."

"Thank you," I reply, ducking my head slightly. I never know how to take compliments. We start to walk down the corridor.

"And, obviously, I've heard nothing but good things about you from Amelia!" Well, that makes one of us…

"Um, yeah, you too!" I lie, awkwardly. "So, where do we start today?" I ask, quickly changing the subject.

"Well, ER is kind of unpredictable," he says, putting on a fresh pair of gloves. I follow his lead, taking my own from the dispenser. "It could be something as simple as a child with a bumped head, or it could be injuries from a car accident… or worse. We just don't know," he explains.

…

Owen watches over me as I complete a simple running stitch to fix a gash on an elderly gentleman's arm. He had tripped and fallen through one of the glass panes of his greenhouse, leaving a huge shard sticking out of his forearm. He's actually very lucky that he didn't do too much damage. It was very close to his radial artery. We talk about his family life as I run a needle through this poor guy. He tells me his wife and son are on their way. They're about to celebrate their thirty fourth wedding anniversary and their son's thirtieth birthday. He has mentioned that his son is single several times, but I've just let it fly over my head. I catch Owen smirking at me and it becomes apparent that Amelia's told him I'm a human rainbow. I suppress a smirk back and pay attention to the other details of my patient's life and ask questions to take his mind off any pain I might be inflicting on him. I apply the dressing carefully and, when his wife arrives, give him some advice on how to care for his injury, ensuring they both know how to prevent infection. He smiles at me sweetly and says, "Thank you, sweetheart." I get out of there before his son arrives. An elderly, misguided cupid isn't something I'm looking for in the workplace. I head over to a desk to fill in the paperwork whilst Owen goes to check on the other interns.

"Help me! Please, somebody help me!" suddenly echoes around the hospital. My head snaps to the left and I see a young woman fall to her knees, clutching her stomach. I automatically move towards her and crouch beside her. I check her over briefly and notice there's no blaringly obvious outer injuries. Her breathing is so erratic that she's almost hyperventilating and she's shaking.

"It's okay, you're safe here," I say, in a soothing tone. "Can you tell me your name?"

"J-Jenny," she stutters.

"Jenny, my name's Dr Robbins," I say, quietly. "How old are you, Jenny?" I ask to try and coax her into a calm conversation.

"Nineteen," she replies, a little distracted by my pointless question.

"Nineteen? You just started college?" I ask as I help her up from the floor and guide her towards the nearest, clean hospital bed.

"Y-yeah, S-Seattle Central," she replies as she lowers herself onto the bed.

"What are you studying?" I ask, still distracting her as I send a nurse to get Dr Hunt. It seems to be working.

"I'm doing a bachelors in Applied Behavioural Science," she states, still clutching her stomach but speaking more evenly than before. "I want to use it to help troubled kids."

I smile at her sincerity and internally empathise with her reasons for wanting to help children. I've only been here two months and I'm already fairly certain I want to go into paediatrics.

"That's great," I say, genuinely. Now she's more relaxed, I feel like it's time to discuss why she's here. It's clear there's something wrong with her stomach, but I need to let her explain. "Jenny, can you tell me about your injuries?" I ask, putting on fresh gloves.

"It's my stomach…," she says, her voice shaky again. But, she offers no further insight.

"Can I take a look?" I ask, softly. She nods her head and I start to roll her top up to reveal her inflamed stomach. I press my hands down on the painful area to begin the examination when Owen appears from behind the curtain.

"Dr Robbins, you called?" He asks, quickly.

"Get him away from me," Jenny snaps, rolling her top down and glaring at Owen. "I don't want him here, get him out!" She says, her voice getting louder. She clutches at my arm. "Please, please…" she pleads. "I want a female doctor," she says, tearful again.

Then it all makes sense. That look in her eye and the bruises on her arm. The desperation in her voice and the torment in her expressions. Her trembling body and the internal injuries she's sustained. I know this pain. I've experienced this pain. I'm immediately filled with utter empathy for this woman, knowing that no words or actions will ever take away what has happened to her. I look at her and feel my own eyes spike with tears.

"Okay, okay…" I look to Owen, trying to calm myself down and a little uncertain of what I'm about to do. He takes a step closer and Jenny's grip immediately tightens on me. "Dr Hunt, stop," falls out of my mouth. He does as he's told. "Can… erm… can you send down Dr Kepner… please?" I ask, croakily.

He looks at the woman clinging to me, then back to me. I can see the cogs in his head turning, but he hasn't quite pieced it together. I can pinpoint the exact moment he realises what has happened because his face softens immediately.

"Um… Yeah… I'll get Kepner," he says, moving quickly from the area.

As soon as he's out of sight, Jenny loosens the grip she's had on my arm the entire time. She visibly relaxes and lets a few pent-up tears roll down her cheeks. I grab a stool and pull it over to the bed, sitting down next to her.

"Jenny, do you want to talk to somebody?" I ask, softly. "We can have a counsellor sent up, if you'd like."

"No, I… Can I talk to you? Please?" She begs with her eyes.

"Of course, you can," I say, reassuringly. She then looks awkwardly at me and opens and closes her mouth a few times before saying anything.

"I don't really know where to start," she says, quietly. She looks completely broken. I take her hand and squeeze it gently.

"Start from the beginning," I say, encouragingly. She closes her eyes and nods her head, gathering her thoughts as she lets out a big sigh.

"It's my boyfriend… He can be really violent…"

…

I stayed with Jenny until her parents arrived a half hour later. I stayed and listened to her recount every detail of her horrifying experience. I was compassionate, but had to keep my emotions at bay. I can't let my own experiences worm their way into my working life. I had to speak to Dr Kepner, the woman who cared for me when I was… hurt, and Dr Hunt, relaying what had happened to Jenny and fill in paperwork stating everything she told me. I remained neutral.

Only now that I've been sent on my first break can I allow myself to feel anything. I walk out of the emergency room and my breathing speeds up immediately. My heart feels as though it's about to pound out of my chest. Tears sting my eyes as an uncomfortable nauseous feeling builds up in the pit of my stomach.

I'm about to have a panic attack.

I rush to the nearest bathroom and push open an empty cubicle, dry-heaving a couple of times before vomiting into the pan. When I'm sure I no longer need to throw up, I sit on the tiled floor of the bathroom and lean my back against one of the cubicle walls. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I get myself into the smallest space possible and try to get my breathing under control.

_Meredith_

I enter the bathroom to splash my face with cold water to wake myself up a little. I'm stopped when I hear quiet sobs coming from one of the stalls.

"Hello?" I ask, standing outside the door. No answer. I push the door open a little and see Arizona Robbins clutching her knees to her chest. "Arizona? Hey… What happened?" I ask, gently, crouching down next to her. Beads of sweat cover her face and her entire body is trembling. There's a faint smell of vomit in the air and her cheeks are tear-stained.

"That girl… she was… she was… He hurt her," she manages to get out.

"Arizona, what girl?" I ask, confused. "Who hurt her?"

"The girl… in the ER… H-Her…boyfriend. He… he raped her, Meredith," she bursts into tears again. There's a pang in my chest as I try and comprehend the kind of memories and emotions this will have stirred up for Arizona. Then I feel angry. Angry that this strong and intelligent woman, who's fought so hard for so many years, has been reduced to this state yet again. I won't stand it.

"Get up," I command. I need her to change position, it could calm her. I hold her securely by her elbows and help her into a standing position. She's wobbly, but can do it. "Look at me," I say, firmly. "You need to calm your breathing," I instruct. "Slowly, like this," I show her what I mean and she does her best to copy me. It takes a few minutes for her breathing to go back to normal. "You okay?" I ask, as the colour starts to return to her face. She avoids eye contact, feeling embarrassed.

"Erm… yeah," she says, through a sigh. "I- uh… I'm okay," she insists, shakily.

…

_Arizona_

Meredith was great. After she helped me through the panic attack, she found the quietest doctors' lounge and settled me onto a couch. She poured me a glass of water and told me to relax. Within ten minutes of her leaving, Dr Hunt walks through the door.

"Dr Robbins, how are you feeling?" He asks, solemnly. Between Meredith and Dr Kepner, he's probably got a pretty clear picture about what just happened.

"I'm okay…" I say, standing for the first time I've been in here. "I'm-I'm sorry," I say, sincerely. "It won't happen again," I insist. I really don't want the hospital to think I'm incapable of dealing with this kind of situation. He looks at me with pity, which I cannot bear, but then his expression changes, as though he's just thought of something.

"Come with me," he says, quickly.

We walk together along the hall and I can't help but feel like a child being taken to the principal's office. Will he tell the chief I'm not cut out for this line of work? Will my past stop me from living out my dreams?

When we stop, I realise we're not at Dr Bailey's office at all, but in a quiet room on the far side of the ER floor. I didn't even know this room existed. It's tucked away, out of sight from those who aren't aware of it. It's decorated simply with grey and white walls. A kitchenette sits on one side of the room, and a couch, locker and window with a roller blind on the other. It's reminds me of the tiny open-living flat Teddy and I used to live in, only not as modern. It's cosy and probably the homiest looking place in the whole hospital. I look at Owen, confused as to why he's brought me here.

"I suffer from PTSD," he begins. "I was a doctor in the army for years. Sometimes patients come in with injuries that remind me of what happened out there." He gets this far off look in his eye and I swallow the lump that builds up in my throat as I think of my brother's lost life, and Teddy, who's still out there on the front line. "It can get intense and… too hard to handle. When that happens, I come here." He explains. "Not many people know about it, so it's a good place to come if you don't want to be disturbed."

I am relieved and incredibly touched by his gesture. He's such a kind man. Maybe he's also keeping an eye out for me because he knows my history with Amelia. Most of it, anyway…

"Dr Hunt…"

"Call me Owen," he interjects with a kind smile.

"Owen… Thank you."

…

_Amelia_

At the end of a sixteen hour shift I am more than ready to put my head down and get some sleep. I'm about to try the third on-call room, the previous two I've checked being occupied. When I open the door to this one, I see a familiar blonde already fast asleep. She looks serene. How anyone can sleep so soundly in these beds without being completely exhausted is beyond me. She must have had a tiring day.

"Amelia?" Her voice jolts me from my wondering and I step a little closer to the bed.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't know anybody was in here," I whisper, quickly. "Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?" She asks, sleepily.

"Uh… a little after 1," I reply, checking my watch.

"You've been in for… sixteen hours," she states, calculating my day. "You must be exhausted!"

"I'm okay," I say, reassuringly. "Just need to find a free on-call room."

"Here, we can share," she says, scooting over and patting the quilt, still half-asleep, I think. Against my better judgement, I climb into the uncomfortable, single bed with her. When I look at her, her eyes are already closed again. "I worked with Owen, today," she says, indicating she's still awake.

"You did?" I ask, surprised. I'm not sure why, but this immediately puts me on edge.

"Yeah," she replies through a yawn. "He's a great guy. I'm glad you found someone like him."

In the few seconds it took for me to process the statement, her head has tilted down onto my shoulder. I know she's already asleep from the gentle, even breathing. She is beautiful. My eyes fill with tears as I leave a gentle kiss on her forehead. God, I miss her so much. I see her a lot, but it's not like it was before. It can't be. I'm married. And, she's right; Owen _is_ a great guy. I feel so conflicted. Regardless, I rest my head against hers and feel myself slowly drift off.


	4. Part 4

**Part 4**

_Amelia_

"What are you and Owen doing for Christmas day this year?" Arizona asks as I help her decorate her tree. Wilson and Edwards had made a feeble attempt at placing a few ornaments on the tree before going downstairs to the bar, so she called in reinforcements.

"We're hosting his mother and his sister, which should be… interesting. I'm hoping it doesn't drive me to drink," I say, light-heartedly. She shoots me a look as if to say, 'Don't even joke about that'. "Sorry," I apologise with a smile. "What about you?"

"Well, Teddy's coming back, thank God!" She starts with a sigh of relief. "So, she'll be here for Christmas Day. So is Nick. Jo's going to stay with us, but Steph's going to her family's place. She's actually the only one of us that knows how to cook a decent meal, so that's going to be interesting." We laugh, knowing Arizona could probably burn cereal. "Hey, do you remember that Christmas we spent together?"

"Oh, God," I laugh again, remembering how the day had turned out. "How could I forget?!"

We look at each other silently for a few moments. That Christmas was probably one of my best. I couldn't bare another one with my mom and sisters without Derek there, so I stayed in Seattle, and, naturally, ended up at Arizona's place for the day.

It was just Arizona, Teddy and I in their little apartment. Arizona, being pregnant at the time, had a terrible aversion to anything that smelled 'too meaty'. So, instead, we made our own pizzas. I still remember Arizona smiling from ear to ear with her face covered in flour marks. Her pizza was mostly covered in pickles, olives and beets due to some intense vinegar-based cravings. I've never seen a messier kitchen, but they actually turned out half-decent.

After food, we played a very heated game of Monopoly in which Arizona cried three times. She blamed it on the hormones, but I think we all knew her competitive nature also played a hand in reducing her to tears. I wiped them away and a few seconds later we laughed and joked about her extreme overreactions.

With Arizona and I not drinking, Teddy felt as though she needed to drink for all three of us and fell asleep on the sofa by four in the afternoon right the way through to the next day. This resulted in hours-long conversations about anything and everything between Arizona and I. We finished the day with old black and white movies and popcorn. By ten o'clock, she was asleep on my shoulder, both hands resting on her bump. It was calm and peaceful and felt so incredibly… right.

"Oh, dammit!" She says, bringing me out of my reminiscent daydream and rushing through to her bedroom.

"What's wrong?" I call after her.

"I'm late!" She shouts back.

"Late for what?" I realise at this point we're just shouting back and forth across the apartment. I go to the doorway of her room and catch a glimpse of her in her underwear. I turn my back as though I haven't seen, but if she could see my blushing face right now, it would be a total giveaway.

"I have a date tonight," she replies.

"A date?" My brow furrows. "With who?"

"Boswell," she says, walking past me in a white playsuit and back into the living room, searching under the couch for suitable footwear.

"Boswell? As is Lauren Boswell?" I ask as she pulls out a pair of black heels.

"Yes," she says, quickly, putting them onto her feet with ease. She's a couple of inches taller than me now.

"You're dating Boswell?" She hasn't mentioned this at all.

"I'm going on _a_ date with Boswell!" She corrects me, taking her hair out of her loose ponytail and running her fingers through it. Somehow it falls perfectly.

"You sure you want to date her?" I check, my stomach twisting at the thought. "Something about that woman makes my skin itch."

"That's not very professional of you, Dr Shepherd," she smirks as she puts her earrings in.

"Well, I'm not speaking as a mentor right now, just as a friend… Be careful," I warn.

"Oh, relax. I'm not looking to marry the woman," she says, nonchalantly, re-entering the bedroom to apply some make up, though she actually doesn't need any. "Just… going out for a little fun."

"Uh huh… and, remind me, how well did it turn out when you went 'out for a little fun' with that nurse last month?" I recall as she applies her mascara in the mirror on the opposite wall.

"Okay, okay, Meg from Dermo was a little… clingy," she admits. "I don't think that's Boswell's… vibe."

"Vibe?" I raise my eyebrow. "You mean she's a slut?"

"I didn't say that…" She says with a smack of her lips as she finishes applying her gloss. "Let's go!" She says, hastily. She rushes us towards the front door but then pauses before she opens it. She turns to face me and asks, "Do I look okay?"

I take a moment to look at her. How somebody can look that stunning with two minutes of preparation time is impossible. But, she does it.

"You look beautiful," escapes from my mouth before I can stop it. She smiles her appreciation back at me and we leave the apartment.

…

The following morning, I walk into the hospital and immediately spot Boswell laughing and joking with a couple of the other interns. I feel my eyes automatically roll and I try to ignore her as I set myself up on one of the nearby computers to check over some scans.

I try to zone out, but snippets of her conversation infiltrate my ears.

"… so much fun… Oh, my God! Amazing body… Believe me, she knows _exactly _what she's doing!"

There's a whirlpool stirring violently in the pit of my stomach as she recounts the night she spent with Arizona.

"Oh, she's up for anything…"

"Dr Boswell," I say, louder than intended. I never take my eyes away from the screen, but know her head has snapped towards me like a deer caught in the headlights. "A hospital is no place for gossip," I snap. God, I sound like Bailey. And, I'm lying. This place is the _perfect_ place for gossip. So much happens here. But, when it's Arizona's dirty laundry that's being aired, I can't help but feel protective. And jealous. Yeah… I think that's right – jealous. No, I _know_ that's right... I just haven't admitted it to myself yet.

It'll pass. It _has_ to pass. For everybody's sake.

"Sorry, Dr Shepherd," Boswell says, sincerely, before scurrying off to whatever it is that she _should _be doing.

I rub my temple and let the breath I've been holding puff out into my cheeks.

"You can't have a headache already…" I hear a very familiar voice say. I look up and smile at the ray of sunshine that's making its way towards me. "You okay?" She asks, using the computer next to me to sign in for the day.

"Yeah…" I say, pondering whether or not to tell her about Boswell's big mouth.

"You sure?" She frowns, knowing something's up immediately. There's no point in trying to hide anything from her, ever!

"Erm… Boswell was talking about you…" I reply, awkwardly. "Well… about your… date."

"To you?" She asks, confused.

"No, no… to the other interns."

"What?" This time, she's disgusted. "She's talking about last night with my colleagues?" Now she looks genuinely concerned and I immediately go into rescuer mode.

"Do you want me to speak to HR? …Or, get her fired?"

She laughs at my reaction, thinking I'm joking. I'm not. I will get a bitch fired.

"I think I can handle it," she smiles. "But thank you," she says, quietly. She squeezes my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps as she heads off for rounds.

…

_Arizona_

"I need to talk to you," I say, sharply, as I grab Boswell by the elbow and drag her towards a supply cupboard.

"Oh… Round two already?" She asks with a charming smile, raising her eyebrows.

"Not a fucking chance," I spit back as the door closes behind us and her face rearranges itself. "You've been gossiping… about last night."

"Oh, come on, Arizona!" She says with a laugh. "They already knew I was going out for drinks with you… How else was the evening supposed to end?"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" I ask, angrily.

"I mean, it's no secret," she shrugs. "You like a good time!"

I stood, stunned. Did she just call me a slut?

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with it," she says, filling the silence I've left. Apparently, my expression is a big giveaway as to how I'm feeling. "As you know, I like a good time, too," she says, stepping closer and invading my personal space. "We all need an escape; something to run to."

I swallow the lump that's been building up in my throat. She's so sure of herself. She thinks she's got me all figured out. Luckily, I know that she hasn't got a clue about me.

"You know nothing about me… I'm not running from anything."

"Oh, I know exactly what you're running from," she replies, confidently.

"Oh, yeah? And, what's that?" I ask through gritted teeth, my heart about to pound through my chest. Does she know about my past? How? Who told her? Someone in this hospital?

"That the one person you _really _want… is totally unavailable."

That wasn't the answer I was expecting. I can't move. I try to respond but I can't talk. My mouth just hangs open, willing my brain to come up with something that will prove her wrong.

Slowly, she brushes past me and walks back to rounds. As soon as she's out of sight, my breathing speeds up. I raise my hands to my head and allow my fingernails to sink into my scalp. I feel nauseous. I'm angry and confused and terrified.

Will she tell Amelia?


	5. Part 5

**Part Five**

_Amelia_

**Merry Christmas. I hope today isn't as bad as you've been anticipating! I'm sure it'll be fine. See you soon. **

I beam at the simple text I've just received from Arizona and immediately start typing back.

**Merry Christmas to you, too! I bet you can't wait to see Teddy. I'll come and see you both in a couple of days.**

I put my cell back into my pocket and turn my attention back to the Christmas dinner that I, miraculously, have managed not to burn. It's just finished cooking and the kitchen smells incredible, even if I do say so myself! Suddenly, the doorbell rings and I feel a twist in my stomach, already knowing that today is going to be draining.

There's a lot of excited chatter that I can't quite make out before I hear Evelyn Hunt say, "Where's my beautiful daughter-in-law?" from the other side of the house.

I'm not sure I have the energy for this! I place the cooked ham on the counter tops and remove my oven mitt before I drag myself towards the front door. I see my husband's family gathered around in the hall, surrounded by gifts. Owen's sister, Megan, is carrying a tray which I can only assume is the dessert Owen asked them to bring.

"Oh, there she is!" Evelyn exclaims.

As she spots me, I'm enveloped in a gentle hug and given a kiss on the cheek. Megan watches the exchange, carefully. She's being odd… But I breeze past it.

"Merry Christmas!" I say, with a plastered-on smile for them both. "How was your trip?"

…

After about ten minutes of small talk, I manage to escape back into the kitchen. I'm dishing up four plates of carefully prepared food when I feel someone else enter the room.

"Wow, that actually looks pretty good!" Megan comments, motioning to the dinner as she places the dessert onto the counter.

"Thanks," I chuckle at her genuine surprise.

There's a short awkward silence between us, before she asks me something I never expected to hear come out of her mouth.

"Are you going to leave my brother?"

The question is so nonchalant that I'm not even sure I've heard her properly.

"What?" I ask, needing the confirmation.

"Are you going to leave my brother?"

I thought that's what she said.

"I… uh- What? No!" I panic. I'm not sure why. I certainly have no plans to leave Owen. "Of course not. Why would you ask me that?" I ask, almost offended.

"Just a hunch," she shrugs. "I know Teddy Altman," she says, seemingly changing the conversation.

"You do?" Now,_ this_ I am genuinely intrigued by.

"Iraq. We're friends," she says, plainly. "It's just… she mentioned this friend you guys had. Erm… Georgia? Or, Texas?"

"Arizona," I smirk, remembering how Megan called me 'Amber' for the first year of Owen and I's relationship.

"Right," she confirms with a nod of the head. "And, it seems like… Well, it seems like you guys are pretty much made for each other." My heart is pounding so loud that I'm certain she can hear it. It's as though she's caught me in my biggest secret. I stop tending to the food and turn to face my sister-in-law. "There's always been this sort of… distance between you and Owen…" she continues. I didn't realise she was so intuitive. "And, well… I was just wondering if she was the reason for that?" I can't speak. I'm a terrible liar and if I say anything right now, she'll know I'm being dishonest. "And, now she's back in Seattle, working in the same hospital no less, I just… I just needed to know if that was going to cause any heartbreak for my brother…"

"Teddy told you all of this?" I ask, trying to avoid answering any questions.

"You know Teddy; she's a hopeless romantic!" She laughs. "She'd tell me anecdotes about two of her friends who were so obviously in love but couldn't be together for one reason or another… Then she mentioned your name and I had two thoughts; the first one was, 'What a small world!' and the second one was, 'Owen doesn't stand a chance.' When she found out who I was, I didn't hear any more about you two." I duck my head, trying to hide any emotion my face might be giving away. I'm still wary of saying anything. It feels tense. After a few difficult moments, she breaks the silence. "So…?"

"I'm not leaving Owen," I say as I turn back to the dinner.

"You haven't answered my question," she pushes.

"Megan, the past is in the past," I reply, keeping my back turned. "I made a commitment to your brother. It's as simple as that."

I scoop up Owen and Evelyn's plates and walk away from the situation, knowing that, actually, there's nothing simple about it at all.

…

_Arizona_

That knock at my door can only mean one thing… Teddy's here! I practically run to answer it and fling it open so hard that it nearly comes off its hinges. In front of me stands a woman dressed from head to toe in army uniform carrying a duffel bag. A woman I haven't seen in four and a half years. A hero.

"Hey, Zo," she says with a wide smile, as though I'd seen her only yesterday.

I stare for a couple of seconds. It's her… It's really her! I throw myself into her arms, and I'm suddenly overcome with emotion. My cheeks are already wet with silent tears.

"You're supposed to be _happy_ to see me, you know?" She says, croakily.

"I missed you so much," I whisper.

"I missed you, too," she whispers back. She pulls out of the embrace and cups my cheeks, studying my face and smiling at me like a proud big sister. "You look great! Like you've had a new lease of life."

"Thanks," I smile back. "You look… _exhausted_."

"Yeah," she laughs. "A warzone will do that to you."

"Oh, God, come in!" I say, realising we're just standing in the corridor. "When did you land?"

"About a half hour ago," she says, rubbing her eyes.

"Do you want me to run you a bath?" I ask, knowing that she'll have washed in nothing but unstable military showers for the past few years.

"Oh, my God, YES!" she exclaims. "This is already _the _best Christmas!"

…

_Teddy_

Arizona has gone all out with this bath; bubbles, candles and a glass of white wine resting in my hand. She's sitting on the closed toilet seat, recounting stories of the past few years and I'm grateful of the company. I can't relax when I'm alone.

"…and then I came back here and I started at Grey Sloan."

"I can't believe you're finally a doctor," I say, with the biggest smile on my face. I'm so incredibly proud of her.

"Guys, there's no way I can salvage this!" We hear Jo shout through the door.

"What happened?" Zo asks, frowning.

"Erm…" Jo's clearly reluctant to reply.

"Jo, just come in! Teddy's covered by bubbles."

Jo opens the door. She looks completely frazzled and she's clutching a tray of the most burnt vegetables I've ever seen. Arizona and I look at each other and laugh.

"Pizza?" She asks, throwing me right back to the last Christmas we spent together with Amelia.

"Pizza!"

"I'll phone Nick. He can drop by Big Mario's on the way," she says.

"Do they still do that pesto pizza?" I ask, hopefully clutching to her arm. Jo's face seems to light up at this.

"Ooh, get me one of those, too. That sounds good!"

…

_Arizona_

At around 8pm, we're all sat around the kitchen table, surrounding several empty bottles of wine and beer. After the pizza bloat wore off, we turned to drinking games. We're currently half-way through an intense game of 'I'm going to the bar'. It's like the shopping game, only alcohol-related. Nick's the worst at this.

"I'm going to the bar and I need to get… a beer, a mojito, a Jack Daniels, a diet coke, a vodka lemonade, three shots and a whiskey," he recounts smugly.

"Okay… I got this…" Teddy says, confidently. "I'm going to the bar and I need to get… a beer, a mojito, a Jack Daniels, a diet coke, a…" She falters. "Oh, shit!"

"Aaaah, drink, Altman!" Nick laughs. Teddy raises her drink and downs the remaining wine.

I love this. It's been such a simple but fun day and I'm with my favourite people… Minus Amelia, obviously.

Speak of the devil…

**I survived! They've just left the house. Have you guys had a good day?**

My heart lunges into my mouth as I think about the charming Christmas that's probably been held at the Hunt-Shepherd household and how un-Amelia it would have been. I've loved being with my best friends, but I wish she could be here with us, too. I've really missed her today.

**Congrats! I'm just beating everyone at 'I'm going to the bar…'**

**That doesn't surprise me. You and your photographic memory!**

"Who are you smiling over?" Teddy asks with a nudge.

"Oh, I don't even have to guess," Jo states, rolling her eyes. Teddy grabs my arm, immediately.

"Not Amelia Shepherd?" She asks in surprise. "Still?"

"Ooh, I _knew _there was a past there!" Jo exclaims. "I'm gonna go top up my wine!"

"Okay, look, nothing's going on! She's married, for God's sake!" I insist.

"I met Amelia's sister-in-law in Iraq," Teddy tells us, as though it's no big deal.

"You did?" I ask, suddenly very alert.

"I did…"

"And…"

"Well, pour me another glass of wine and I'll tell you everything."

"Oh, don't start without me!" Jo exclaims, rushing back to her seat. I look at Nick for some sort of rescue but he's wearing that smirk that tells me that he's actually enjoying my slow torture.

"You're on your own here, Flagstaff. I can't wait to hear these stories."

…

We finally rolled into bed at 1am. Nick's got the couch and Teddy's sharing my bed for the night. Obviously, we weren't finished catching up on everything and didn't actually fall asleep for another couple of hours due to how much we had to talk about. I must have only had about an hour's sleep but I've woken up really needing to pee.

I fumble my way to the bathroom, trying not to wake anybody up, but I'm still a little tipsy. I bang into the coffee table, stubbing my toe. It's a pain similar to hitting your funny bone or standing on a piece of Lego. I manage to keep the curse words inside my mouth as I sneak past a snoring Nick. Fortunately, he's still snoring when I make my way back to the bedroom.

As I enter the room, I realise something's different. The lamp's on and Teddy's not in the bed. Instead, she's curled up in one corner of the room. What's going on?

"Teddy?" I try and get her attention. She doesn't look at me but her breathing speeds up. "Hey, Teddy?" I crouch in front of her. "Are you okay?"

"Get the fuck away from me!" She screams as she slams me into the wall so hard that it takes my breath away.

Her hands move to my neck and squeeze tightly. Within seconds, I can't breathe at all. I feel as though she's going to snap through the bone. I move my hands to her wrists to try and prize her off me, but I'm not strong enough. Thirty seconds… I could lose consciousness in another thirty. My adrenaline kicks in and I manage to move her hands slightly. It gives me just enough relief to speak to her.

"Teddy… It's me. It's me!"

I see the realisation in her eyes and her mouth slings open. She immediately loosens her grip and throws herself away from me.

…

_Teddy_

I stare at my friend, unable to take my eyes off the bruising that's already forming around her neck. Even in this low light, it's looks so painful. She's leaning up against the chest of drawers, coughing and desperately trying to regain breath. The guilt I feel in my stomach is overwhelming.

"Oh, my God," I whisper, shaking. She looks at me, but can't quite talk yet. "Zo?" I step towards her and she holds out a hand, letting me know it's okay to come closer. I hold it in both of mine as tears start to fill my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I cry quietly, slowly dropping to my knees. She kneels next to me and rubs one of my arms.

"I'm okay… I'm okay," she tries to reassure me, but I'm not sure that she's even convinced herself. Her voice is still broken and some of her breaths are wheezy. "It's okay, Teds," she says, pulling me into an embrace. "You're safe here."

Her words make me cry more. I cry because they remind me that this friendship is unconditional, it always has been. I cry because I know that she knows I would never intentionally cause her any harm. But, mostly, I cry because those were the exact words that I said to her when she was in the hospital.

…

Arizona has managed to convince me I'm no threat to her, and we're back in bed. She's kept the lamp on. I know she won't want me to wake up in the dark again. I'm lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, as a multitude of Iraq-related thoughts run through my head. Arizona is next to me, lying on her side, simply watching me. She's trying to imagine what kind of thoughts are going through my head. She can't. No one can unless they've been there. And, I wouldn't want her to. I can practically hear the cogs turning in her head, thinking about what she can to do to help me.

I feel her snuggle into my shoulder and, though my body turns stiff, she stays close to show she still trusts me. Even if I don't trust myself right now.

"Teddy…" She says, quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Don't go back," comes her whispered plea.

"I have to," I reply, gently, as I rest my cheek on the top of her head. "It's hard. It's really hard. All the time. But, it's the right thing for me to do. It's what I was born to do, Zo."


	6. Part 6

**Part Six**

_Amelia_

"You are absolutely crushing paeds surgery!" I say to Arizona, catching her outside of the OR. I loop my arm through hers as we make our way down the corridor.

"Amelia, I'm just assisting," she replies, the pink already creeping onto her cheeks.

"Yeah, but you're doing it flawlessly! You're the best damn intern I've ever seen!" She's practically beetroot now. I love making her blush.

"You're just saying that because we're friends," she says, nudging me with her shoulder.

"I really am not," I insist. "You're a natural."

"In all honesty, I'm enjoying paeds a lot more than I thought I would," she says, with the most beautiful smile and that sparkly eye thing she does when she's discussing something she's passionate about. "There's something special about the way children face surgeries and uncertainties… And, the way you can do something for them that's going to help them live the rest of their life how they want, it's just… There's something really special about it."

"I had that kind of excitement about how the brain works… Look at me now!" I say with mock enthusiasm. She laughs at me and I have to tear my eyes away from those gorgeous dimples. "Have you finished for the day?" I ask as we arrive at the lockers.

"Yeah, and I'm not on-call, so I am going to spend the next fourteen hours in hibernation," she says as she removes her scrub cap and puts it away.

"Are you missing Teddy?" I ask, turning away to my own locker and changing back into regular-people clothing.

"Constantly," she replies, shuffling around to get her jeans on. "She loved seeing you the other night, by the way."

"Yeah, same. It felt like old times," I say with a nostalgic smile, chucking my scrubs into the medical bin.

"I know," she says with light empathy.

I look back at her and we share a brief knowing smile but it fades as I notice something different about her. She's wearing a vest top now in place of her scrub top and it's revealed angry, purple and yellow marks that linger around the base of her neck. I'm by her side like a shot.

"Hey… What happened?" I ask, quietly. My eyes scan the sore area, but she's confused.

"Huh?"

"Your neck!" I use my fingertips to gently lift her chin so I can get a better look. The bruising looks old but I'll bet she's still in pain with it.

"Oh, I… uh…" She's stammering, but I don't give her much time to reply.

"Arizona, who did that to you?" I ask, staring her in the eye, ready to kill for her. Her eyes dart away and her mouth opens and closes a couple of times. I can already tell that she's contemplating lying to me. When she sees my stern look, she sighs out, looking entirely deflated.

"It was Teddy," she whispers.

"Teddy?" What? I really wasn't expecting that. "As in _'Teddy'_ Teddy? The same Teddy we've just been talking about?"

"It… It wasn't her," she replies. Okay, now I'm even more confused. "I mean, it was her but… It was like…" She rubs her eyes as though she's trying to come up with the right words. "It was like somebody else was in her body," she explains. "I think she has PTSD," she says, swallowing heavily.

"Oh…" I don't know what else to say. It's an awful disorder that I've had a lot of experience with. Owen suffers from it after _his_ time in the army. He's never lashed out like that before though. Not towards me, at least.

"Amelia, she's really struggling," she confesses with tears in her eyes. "And, she's back there now. Back where it all started for her." She holds back sobs but can't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do!" 

"Hey," I whisper, cupping her face with my hand, forcing her to look at me. "We'll figure something out, I promise." I wipe some tears away with my thumb and she nods her head, her eyes darting to the floor. I clear my throat and move my hand away from her face. "When did that happen?" I ask, indicating to her neck.

"After Christmas day," she says, turning back to the mirror and fixing the make-up smudges around her eyes.

"Arizona! That was nearly a month ago! You haven't had anyone check that over?" I scold.

"It's fine," she says, abruptly.

"It's _still _bruised! How did you even hide that?" I ask, guilt bubbling up in my stomach that I hadn't seen something earlier.

"Erm… Foundation, scarves, polo necks…" She explains casually as she pulls a baggy sweater over her head. The foundation must have been wiped away as her scrub top came off.

"We need to get it checked over," I instruct, taking her by the elbow, but she stops our movements.

"Honestly, I'm okay," she insists, "I've had no side effects; no difficulty breathing or swallowing, no changes to vision or hearing, no headaches… I'm fine."

"You should have told me," falls out of my mouth.

"You'd just worry," she says, gently taking one of my hands in hers. "I promise, I'm okay."

I sigh out, knowing that she's not one to visit the hospital unless she's on death's door. With a gentle smile, I reluctantly ask, "You wanna go get a drink?"

"I really do!"

…

_Arizona_

She hasn't stopped studying me the whole time we've been in Joe's. I can feel her eyes burning into my neck. She's probably looking for any primary skin lesions or checking that I can swallow properly.

"Okay, stop staring at me!" I say, quickly. 

"Huh?"

_Amelia_

Oh, crap! She's caught me red-handed.

"I told you, I'm okay!" What? Oh… she thinks I'm looking at her neck. I'm not. I was daydreaming, again. Sometimes, I just can't stop myself from staring at her. She reaches across the bar and squeezes the hand that's nursing a bottle of alcohol-free beer. "Stop worrying. Enjoy yourself!"

"I _am_," I snap. She raises her eyebrows at me. I need to think of a cover story really quickly. "Sorry, I… I think I'm just tired."

"Do you want to go upstairs and get a coffee?" She asks, gently.

"Sure," I smile back. "Let me just call Owen…"

_Arizona_

She moves away from the bar to make her phone call and I feel a twist in my gut. Urgh… Stupid Owen!

I actually don't mean that. I really don't. He's a really nice guy and a great mentor. He keeps Amelia safe and well. She knows she's loved by him… Urgh, there's that twist in my gut again. The poor guy hasn't actually done anything wrong. I might as well admit it to myself… I'm jealous of him.

"Ready to go?" Amelia asks, snapping me out of my daydream. That was a quick conversation…

"Um… yeah," I say, a little startled. I leave ten dollars on the bar and signal to its attendant. "Thanks, Joe!" He gives us a small wave as we leave the building.

As I open the main door, my eyes widen at the sight outside. The entire street looks as though it has been covered by a thin layer of white carpet.

"Okay, it definitely wasn't snowing when we came in, right?" Amelia asks, standing next to me.

"Nope!" I reply, quickly.

_Amelia_

I turn to my friend and watch her as she examines the snow, a little smile creeping onto her face. I know that look. She's about to do something evil…

"Hey, what's that?" She asks, suddenly, squinting and pointing across the street.

"What? Where?" I look carefully for what she's spotted but can't see anything. Suddenly, in one fluid motion, I feel her tug at the back of my sweater, and drop a handful of snow down it. And, it is _freezing_! "Oh, my God!" I shout, shaking the back of my top until all of the ice has dropped out. She's already laughing at me and backing up a couple of paces, so I can't do the same to her. "Oh, it is _on_, Robbins!" I threaten, as I start to catch up with her. She scurries away but I manage to grab her by the waist and dangle her dangerously close to a big patch of built-up snow. "Say 'Amelia Shepherd is the queen of everything' or I'll drop you!"

"No way!" She laughs back, clutching on to my shoulders.

"Say iiiit!" I say, lowering her closer.

"More like _ice _queen," she says, with an impish smile. So, I drop her and she releases the cutest little shout as she hits the powdery ground.

"I warned you!" I say, with a little pride in my voice. She is laughing so hard now that she's unable to stand. I love seeing her like this. It must be freezing in that snow patch, though! I offer her my hand as a means of getting up. She accepts it... Before pulling me into the exact spot she just vacated and rushing towards her apartment stairs. "Hey!" I get up and follow her over.

We're at the top of the staircase, and she's leaning up against the railing, exhausted from all the laughter.

"Okay, okay," she says, regaining breath. She holds out a hand for me to shake. "Truce?"

"Truce!" I accept with a grin, shaking her cold, wet hand.

_Arizona_

We're still laughing as I unlock the apartment door. I look at Amelia and can't help but smile at her cute, red nose and the snowflakes that are still lingering in her hair.

"Oh, you've still got a little…" I reach up to remove them, carefully pinching them out with my fingers. Her unsettled hair releases the smell of coconut and almond. "There!" I smile, pleased all the snowflakes have gone. I look down and notice how close we're standing. We hold eye contact for a couple of seconds, but it's almost too much for me to take. I clear my throat. "Erm… Do you want sugar?" I ask, moving towards the kitchen section of my apartment.

"Huh?" Amelia replies, just as dazed as she was in the bar. She _must _be tired.

"In your coffee…" I clarify.

"Oh, right… One, please," she requests with a smile. "A small one, not an 'Arizona' one!" She jokes, knowing how well I sweeten any hot drink.

I start making the drinks as Amelia settles onto the couch. My heart starts to pound as I think about getting cosy on there with her. God, she'd be mortified if she knew what went through my head.

…

Amelia is still here an hour later, though it feels like she's only been here a few minutes. Sitting and just talking with her like this feels so natural. I miss the days when we used to do this all the time.

"Well, it's getting late…" She says, slowly standing. "I'd better head off."

"Are you sure you want to drive in this?" I ask as she pulls her coat on. The gentle snow we saw before has turned almost blizzard-like. "I can always take the couch for the night if you want to stop here," I offer, not knowing how appropriate it is for us to share a bed any more.

"No, it's fine," she replies with a sweet smile. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says, embracing me before she leaves.

"Bye," I say, quietly, before closing the door behind her. I put the chain across, knowing Jo's working a night shift tonight, and allow the door to take my entire weight. I tilt my head up to the ceiling and sigh out.

I need to get over these feelings sooner rather than later.

…

_Amelia_

I really wish I'd taken Arizona up on that offer to stay at hers. Not only was I desperate to stay with her, I've also never seen snow come down like this before. My windshield wipers are working over time and I'm struggling to see what's happening on the road.

After a few near-misses with Seattle's wildlife, I manage to make it onto my drive and safely inside my house. I slip my shoes off and make my way into the bedroom to see Owen already asleep in our bed. I use our en-suite to freshen up, loosely tying my hair back and getting into my pyjamas. I slide into bed next to my husband and he stirs.

"Hey," he says, croakily, turning over and wrapping a strong arm over my middle. "Did you have a good evening?"

"Yeah," I say, quietly. "Sorry, I'm back so late."

"That's fine," he says, genuinely. "Arizona okay?"

"Yeah…" I reply, guilt building throughout my entire body at the mention of her name. "Owen, I need you to do me a favour…"

"What is it?" He asks, leaning up to look at me.

"I need you to talk to Teddy Altman."


End file.
